Five Things about Hotch not in his Personnel File
by Kuria Dalmatia
Summary: The exercise that the counselor suggested was nothing more than a way to establish trust: tell her 5 things about himself that are NOT in his personnel file. SPOILERS S5. Hotch & Haley and Hotch & Reid  slash . ONE-SHOT. Offensive language & abuse.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Five Things about Aaron Hotchner that Aren't in His Personnel File

**Author:** Kuria Dalmatia

**Rating/Warnings:** R (profanity, physical and verbal abuse), spoilers for Season 5. Occurs after "Faceless, Nameless"

**Characters/Pairing:** Hotch (Hotch/Haley, Hotch/Reid)

**Summary:** The exercise that the counselor suggested was nothing more than a way to establish trust. Hotch didn't want to be here, but mandatory counseling was mandatory counseling and it was needed to be cleared for duty.

Word Count: ~2,800

**ARCHIVING:** my LJ and FFNet account... anyone else? Please ask first.

**COMMENTS:** This is part of my "Fic Amnesty" collection, stories that I felt never quite made it for a variety of reasons. For this particular one, it was the Thing #5 that I stumbled and felt that it was a weak ending for a story.

No disrespect is meant to those in the counseling profession. However, let's face it. Having a member of the BAU as your patient would be a certain kind of hell, wouldn't it?

McRib sandwiches are apparently a "seasonal" product now, but for a long time, they weren't on the McDonald's menu. My memory of shooting games at festivals isn't so great so, yeah, it's probably inaccurate. Finally, I 'm basing the dates of Hotch's marriage based on his divorce papers shown in S3, which I believe listed it as 1999 or 2000. Yes, they were high school sweethearts, but they didn't immediately marry…

Feedback always welcome.

**DISCLAIMER:** The Mark Gordon Company, ABC Studios and CBS Paramount Network Television own Criminal Minds. Salut! I just took them out to play and I promise put them back when I'm done. I'm not making any profit just trying to get these images out of my head.

/***/

Hotch didn't want to be here, but mandatory counseling was mandatory counseling and it was needed to be cleared for duty. To be fair, Doctor Madeline Frost skipped over the usual discussion points during their initial interview: his somewhat meteoric rise in the FBI that seemed to "fizzle out" once he made BAU unit chief, the numerous times he almost got killed in the line of duty, the four kills he had on his record outside of SWAT, the whole mess with Gideon and Greenaway, and (most surprising of all) his ordeal at the hands of George Foyet.

The six previous counselors that had been forced upon him over the past ten-plus years in the BAU all tackled his career with barely restrained gusto. They saw themselves as profilers like him, the only difference was that patients came to them instead of them hunting patients down. Hotch likened them to the guy who had moderate success as a high school quarterback and won a partial scholarship to a Division III school, but talked like he had a full ride to SoCal, Nebraska, Ohio State or another big name Division I university. This guy would have been "drafted by the NFL if it wasn't for some pesky knee injury" when in reality, the only time he was put into a game was when the team was either winning or losing by such a huge margin, his performance didn't matter.

So when Frost proposed that Hotch list five things about himself that weren't in his personnel file, he hitched an eyebrow and leaned back in his seat. Hotch waited, because there was always an elaborate explanation on why said counselor wanted him to do something.

Frost smiled sweetly and said, "Yes, it's a trust exercise." She then glanced at her watch, nodded her head, and told him, "We're done for the day."

Hotch narrowed his eyes, glancing at the clock as he did. Only fifteen minutes had passed. "We're done," he repeated neutrally.

Her smile didn't waver. "Yes, we are. This does count as a full session, one of your six that is required. I'm sure you have more important things to do than sit around in my office for another thirty-five minutes."

His anger flared, because he really wasn't in the mood to play mind-fuck games. However, years of practice meant he didn't betray his emotions on his face or in his body language. He simply nodded, got up, and left her office, stopping by her admin on the way out to set up the next appointment.

/***/


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** Five Things about Aaron Hotchner that Aren't in His Personnel File

**Author:** Kuria Dalmatia

**Rating/Warnings:** R (profanity, offensive language, physical and verbal abuse), spoilers for Season 5. Occurs after "Faceless, Nameless"

**Characters/Pairing:** Hotch (Hotch/Haley, Hotch/Reid)

Please see Chapter 1 for Disclaimers, Warnings and Comments

/***/

**Fact One: Hotch firmly believes that carbonite turned Han Solo into a pussy.** Not into a wuss, but a limp-dick, apron-string holding, momma's boy pussy. However, saying that would be admitting that he had a geekier side to him, and that once, he actually won a debate on who was the most awesome _Star Wars_ character.

When he was fourteen and stuck with the nickname "Crotchner", he annihilated Steve Flaherty's "Boba Fett rocks harder than Solo" argument with such gusto, he earned the respect of the bullies who tried to beat him up on a daily basis. Of course, the latter was probably because Hotch used the words "bad ass" in the classroom and cited a peer-reviewed source, so the debate teacher couldn't dock him points for inappropriate language.

What he now told Frost was, "I saw _Star Wars_ in the movie theatre four times during its first run in 1977."

She nodded and chuckled a little. "How old were you?"

"Eleven."

"And it's not in your personal file because?"

Hotch blinked, caught off-guard by the question. He stared at her for a moment, assessing the tilt of her head, the set of her lips, the way she held her pencil (not pen) in her right hand, the angle of the notepad on her lap, and how she crossed her ankles instead of her knees. Frost was a tough read, but he figured out why she had asked.

_Injecting a little humor in the session puts the patient at ease. It also gets him to reveal more about himself._

While Frost was at least making it interesting by being different, Hotch was still not up to playing games. "It's not in my personal file because it's irrelevant."

She didn't shrug or arch an eyebrow at him. She didn't even nod. Frost simple made note in her file—_She wants you to worry about what she's writing about you_—and then set her pencil down.

It was a curious way of establishing control, one that Hotch had used a few times himself in interrogations. It meant, of course, that he knew what she was expecting him to do. Perhaps she knew that he knew what she was expecting him to do.

Hotch stopped himself. It was _that_ reason he hated mind-fuck games. Because it was too easy to get caught up in the she-knew-he-knew game and it would make him blurt out something more revealing than he normally would in a pathetic attempt to throw the counselor off his track.

"Good point," she conceded. "Who is your favorite character?"

He was tempted to say Jabba the Hut just to see her reaction, but knew that it would lean down a line of questioning he didn't want to travel. He also knew that no matter what he said, she was going to guide him down some kind of 'talking point' path. He didn't sigh or cross his arms. He said flatly, "Han Solo."

"Pre- or post-carbonite?"

_That_ almost made him laugh. Almost. But he didn't. He wanted to appreciate how she got to her goal of him (potentially) talking Foyet's attack, using "pre-carbonite" to represent Hotch before and "post-carbonite" to represent afterward. It was clever. It made him wonder if he should have offered up Chewbacca as a character, because Chewie would be much more difficult to use as a comparison.

It made him answer with a shrug and a carefully crafted "confused" look on his face. "Han Solo is Han Solo."

Frost nodded a little, her confidence rattled just a bit. "Of course."

Hotch wanted to think, _Score one for Hotchner_, but he had a feeling that it wasn't quite the case. Frost wasn't done with him yet. He had four more sessions.

Four more headaches.

Great.

/***/


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** Five Things about Aaron Hotchner that Aren't in His Personnel File

**Author:** Kuria Dalmatia

**Rating/Warnings:** R (profanity, offensive language, physical and verbal abuse), spoilers for Season 5. Occurs after "Faceless, Nameless"

**Characters/Pairing:** Hotch (Hotch/Haley, Hotch/Reid)

Please see Chapter 1 for Disclaimers, Warnings and Comments

/***/

**Fact Two: Aaron Hotchner spent his first semester in college eating at McDonalds every chance he could get even though he was on the university meal plan. **

This was before the movie _Super Size Me_ came out, and it wasn't because Hotch was performing some experiment on the effects of fast food on the human body. No. He ate at McDonalds every chance he could get because, as a child, his mother never allowed him to.

_Only poor people eat there, Aaron_, she would say haughtily. _And we're not poor_.

The one time Aaron did push the issue—on a road trip to the beach house for the long weekend—his mother slapped him across the face hard and his father made him stay in the car while they went inside Cybil's by the Sea for dinner. It was hot outside even though the sun had started to set, and Aaron was not allowed to open the door or roll down the window. It was a miserable two and a half hours.

He learned his lesson, of course.

And when he learned about retaliatory behavior in one of his psyche classes during his sophomore year, he realized that his semester long splurge on McDonalds was a subconscious rebellion.

Stupid, of course.

But compared to what some kids did as revenge against their parents, it was pretty tame.

What he told Frost at their next session was: "I like the McRib sandwich on the McDonalds menu."

She had no response for that. Instead, she pursued the "Han Solo" line of questioning because, really, he wasn't giving her all that much to work with.

_Hotchner two, Frost none_.

/***/


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** Five Things about Aaron Hotchner that Aren't in His Personnel File

**Author:** Kuria Dalmatia

**Rating/Warnings:** R (profanity, offensive language, physical and verbal abuse), spoilers for Season 5. Occurs after "Faceless, Nameless"

**Characters/Pairing:** Hotch (Hotch/Haley, Hotch/Reid)

Please see Chapter 1 for Disclaimers, Warnings and Comments

/***/

**Fact Three: Aaron Hotchner knows how to Cha-Cha because Uncle Freddy insisted that a gentleman should know how to dance. **

It wasn't because Hotch was forced to take lessons as a child.

While his parents belonged to a prestigious country club, his mother never insisted that Hotch participate in the various Mother-Son activities. His father took a pass on all the Father-Son activities except for golf because Hotch was quite good at the game and they won every time they entered the contest.

The other sons of country club members hated Hotch because he got out of such humiliating events as the Mother-Son Dance, which included dance lessons every Thursday, and the Mother-Son Talent Show, which required elaborate costumes. They beat him when they could, but like all smart tormentors, they knew how to inflict damage that was easily hidden by clothing. They didn't know how much Hotch envied them for having to participate, because at least their mothers wanted to spend time with them.

They hated Hotch because he won the golf tourney with his father every Spring.

They didn't know the penalty for Hotch losing.

Second place was never an option.

Uncle Freddy taught Hotch how to dance the summer Hotch's parents toured the French Riviera. Hotch wasn't allowed to go because he hadn't earned the privilege. His language tutor informed Hotch's parents that he had a miserable accent—his Carolina drawl apparently curdled French vowels—and that no self-respecting parent would ever allow him to talk to native speakers. Hotch was beaten by his father and verbally berated by his mother, which was the standard punishment for any kind of failure.

Spending the entire summer with twice-divorced Uncle Freddy in Charleston was supposed to be a penalty, but wasn't.

It was the best three months of Hotch's childhood.

So, at his next session, he stated that the third thing that wasn't in his personal file was that, "I know how to Cha-Cha."

Frost pounced upon it like a kitten after a ball of yarn. She used it to segue into a discussion about his childhood, just as he predicted she would. He doled out information carefully, complete with appropriate body language and eye contact.

She didn't challenge him, which was a shame, because she started off so strong and Hotch honestly thought she might be someone he could actually talk to.

_Hotchner Three, Frost Zero_.

Now. That wasn't fair.

Hotch decided to give her the Cha-Cha point because she was able to loop it back to the initial "Han Solo" conversation.

_Hotchner Two, Frost One._

But only because he was being generous.

/***/


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** Five Things about Aaron Hotchner that Aren't in His Personnel File

**Author:** Kuria Dalmatia

**Rating/Warnings:** R (profanity, offensive language, physical and verbal abuse), spoilers for Season 5. Occurs after "Faceless, Nameless"

**Characters/Pairing:** Hotch (Hotch/Haley, Hotch/Reid)

Please see Chapter 1 for Disclaimers, Warnings and Comments

/***/

**Fact Four: Aaron Hotchner has been unofficially banned from all shooting games at the Church of Saint Christopher festivals. **

Throughout his courtship of and marriage to Haley, Hotch was never sure how she felt about his prowess with a gun. He was a good shot—his trophies were proof of that—but he never really bragged about it because he had recognition where it counted. But, whenever they were at a festival or carnival or amusement park that had a shooting game, Haley insisted he toss down a few bucks and try to win her something.

The games were rigged, of course, so it always took a few shots for him to adjust so that he would hit the mark. Haley would tease him, saying he wasn't as much of a badass as he thought he was, but she meant it good-naturedly. After all, she considered herself a pretty good card shark but was no match for the semi-pro dealers.

The games at the church festivals weren't as badly rigged as most. It usually only took Hotch one or two shots to make the adjustment instead of the five or six at an amusement park. They had only been parishioners at Saint Christopher for six months when the fall fundraiser rolled around. Haley begged Hotch come along despite just having come off a thirty-six hour hostage showdown with a mouthy UnSub. His nerves were frayed and he didn't want to deal with crowds.

"Just an hour," she pleaded with him softly. "One hour so people will believe I'm married to a real man, not a figment of my imagination."

So he was there. Tired. He was in a foul mood that he hid with ease as he shook hands and put up with people calling him "that FBI guy" with little smirks on their faces and pointing finger guns at him. Haley tried her best to shield him from the stupid remarks but there was only so much she could do.

Especially when some jackass challenged him to a shooting game, saying he'd love to win something for Hotch's "little lady" because Hotch wasn't man enough to do it himself. Knowing that if he won Haley a stuffed animal, he would get to go home right afterward, Hotch handed over his ten dollars. He picked up the toy weapon, adjusted his stance, and proceeded to hit every single target, all the while chanting, _Front sight, trigger press, follow through_ to himself.

The booth worker was in shock—so was Hotch's challenger, who apparently missed the memo that he was an FBI agent—but the worker was still able to rattle off the 'double or nothing' spiel. Hotch took him up on it and, again, hit all the targets. He did this until he had enough points to racked up to not only win the massive unicorn for Haley and two-foot Scooby Doo for the child they hoped to have, but ten other medium-sized stuffed animals, which he distributed to the children who had gathered around.

Women swooned, Men glowered, and Hotch didn't give a flying fuck.

The only person allowed to "win" something for Haley was him.

Oh, and if he missed a target in real life, someone could die.

Period.

"Can we go home now?" he murmured as he picked up the two huge stuffed animals. Haley only nodded but later apologized for making him go in the first place.

Five months later, when Hotch and Haley began walking down the main gaming row of the Spring Festival, Principal Cobston approached and pulled them somewhat discreetly to the side. The man addressed Hotch, "Are you planning on, ah, any target practice this evening?" His tone was mildly threatening.

It took an amazing amount of willpower for Hotch not to laugh, because it was a pathetic attempt to warn him off. He held up his hands and offered a lopsided smile. "No target practice."

Cobston smiled, obviously pleased with the answer. "Good."

It wasn't the story that Hotch told Doctor Frost. He said, "I once won a stuffed unicorn for Haley at a church festival," because he calculated that this was the session he was supposed to talk about the impact of having Haley and Jack put in protective custody.

Frost smiled encouragingly, and linked that bit of information back to Han Solo and the Cha-Cha.

Hotch was disappointed she didn't try to include the McRib reference as she droned on about heroes, romance, and marriage.

So, it was _Hotchner Three, Frost One_.

/***/


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** Five Things about Aaron Hotchner that Aren't in His Personnel File

**Author:** Kuria Dalmatia

**Rating/Warnings:** R (profanity, offensive language, physical and verbal abuse), spoilers for Season 5. Occurs after "Faceless, Nameless"

**Characters/Pairing:** Hotch (Hotch/Haley, Hotch/Reid)

Please see Chapter 1 for Disclaimers, Warnings and Comments

/***/

**Fact Five: Aaron Hotchner loves Spencer Reid. **

With Haley, Aaron Hotchner knew immediately that he was going to marry her. He was never able to explain how he knew or aptly describe the emotions that came over him. He just _knew_.

It wasn't after the divorce was finalized that he realized that 'going to marry' didn't necessarily translate as 'being in love' or 'staying in love' for that matter. Again, it wasn't something that he could adequately explain except that he set the goal of marrying Haley back in high school and, while it took a bit longer than he expected, he still reached that goal.

If he had taken the time to really examine the relationship, he would have seen all the indications that perhaps he and Haley shouldn't have married in the first place. But that was 'water under the bridge' as they said. He couldn't change it. And, honestly, as much as it hurt, he didn't think he wanted to change it.

Because when he fell in love with Reid, Aaron knew exactly what it was and exactly why it was. He could spend hours talking about why he loved Reid, if he were the type of person to do that. He wasn't. So he didn't.

He knew he loved Reid. Reid knew he loved him. It was that simple. It was that solid.

It also wasn't something Aaron was about to share with Doctor Frost, patient confidentiality or not. He offered up, "The only photos of Jack I carry with me are on my cell phone."

Again, Frost took the meager thread he was offering her and proceeded to unravel it with such predictability that it annoyed him almost to the point of tipping his hand so that she would see that she was being manipulated.

He didn't.

Frost connected Jack to Haley to the Cha-Cha to Han Solo. She didn't include the McRib.

_Hotchner Four, Frost One._

Oh, who was he kidding?

_Hotchner Five, Frost Zero_.

/***/ Finis /***/


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